Hold On To That Speed of Light – Finale

cuppa

“This is your last week?  You’re leaving us already?”

After 8 months of industrial training I’ve become quite acquainted with the receptionist who once kind of intimidated me.  We continued to chat a little, with her asking me about my future plans like everyone else did.

Everyone was packing, even the permanent employees.  The company was undergoing some renovation and everyone had to be shifted to a temporary space.  Coincidentally, the packing day was the same day as my last – so it kind of added some dramatic effect to my exit.  Boxes everywhere, and I was helping my supervisor filter the things he no longer needed.

I realized I have to start filtering certain things in my life too.  I’ve managed to come up with one main item.

Worries.

Who doesn’t have them?  When it comes to worries, I believe there are two kinds of people.  Let’s say the sky is falling.  The first group would choose to spend whatever remaining time left as best as they can, while the other will try to stop the sky from falling.  I used to be the latter.  Until I got to know God better.  There is no point getting all stressed up in things that I cannot control – other people’s thoughts & preferences, the past, circumstances, etc.

Because in these eight months, one truth I have come to learn and trust, is that no matter how screwed up things are at a particular moment that it feels like it’s the end of the world, it really isn’t the end until it’s okay.  I like this phrase that I tell myself from time to time, “Everything’s going to be alright,” even when I lack the faith to believe.

And every single time, everything does turn out alright.  Because Someone makes sure they do.

So worries aside, put more focus into things that are more worthy of my precious time.

I remember when my university supervisor handed me my certificate of completion of my industrial training and it dawned upon me that eight months have come and gone so fast.  Yet, some days it felt like it would never end.  The notion of leaving the work force and becoming a student was somewhat liberating but deep inside, I know this ‘student’ has changed.  I’m sure most of my unimates would have experienced some kind of transformation too.

And whatever those changes are, I only have two words to say to them:  Bring it.

To sum things up, here’s a piece of conversation I had during my exit interview.

“So Wei Vern, when you leave, you have to return two things:  your car stickers and your badge.”

Can I at least keep my badge?

“Nope, you can’t.”

Pleaaaasee?

“Sorry lah, cannot.”

But I want something to keep as a memoir.

Then he said something I’ll never forget:

“You’ve spent eight months here.  I think you’ll remember this for a long time to come.
And some things, you just have to let it close nicely and then move on.
You’re meant for bigger things.”

Hold On To That Speed of Light – Part 4

**Contains snippets of in-between thoughts from the author’s crowded mind.  May be boring.**

Fast-forward.

I find myself once again in a familiar place – the check-in counter where I almost missed my flight home. The only difference is that this time I’m on my way to another foreign land, a sleepy town called Sandakan at the Land Below the Wind.  I have a zero-fare ticket in my pocket and the perfect companion/host by my side.  So why shouldn’t I go?

And this time, I beat the check-in counter.

33,000 feet, high up in the sky.

I like taking flights because it’s as though I’ve disappeared from the face of the earth for a few hours, I tell my travel buddy and host – Alexis. But the truth is I haven’t really had my feet on the ground at all.  It’s a strange thing, to be in one transition after another.  I haven’t even started missing my work colleagues yet and I’m already heading to another place filled with all things unfamiliar.  And not seeing my buddy for so long, sometimes an estranged feeling creeps over too.  I start to wonder if this trip was planned way too early.

I chuckle.  Vern, having cold feet for adventure?  Have I become that old?  I try to catch some sleep and to silent the odd thoughts in my head.

1,800 kilometers away from home.

Having a lot of friends from East Malaysia has prepared me for the differences in culture.  To witness verbal descriptions come to life is always amazing.  From the countless four-wheel-drives to my friend’s cosy home and seafood everywhere, my feet are getting higher and higher above ground.

All the way to the rooftop.

With a glass of Mojito and Diana Krall crooning in the background.  Suppressed thoughts are expressed – no, it isn’t the drink speaking.  A friend reminded me that some things should be said, especially if that person is worth the nerve wreck – before you never get a chance to.  It feels like the last straw, a subtle one.  At least I know I’ve tried.

A toast to being on top of the world.  A toast to friendship.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this hopeful to a toast.

And what goes up, must eventually come down.

To the grounds of warm hospitality.

I think when you become a parent, your role is universal to all the “kids” out there.  Alexis’ parents are pretty good at that.  Their bubbly charm made it easier for the melancholy me.  Now I know where my buddy’s strong-will, intelligence, independence and accommodating personality came from.  It is a weird yet funny realization altogether.

When your hosts tell you “We’re small eaters”, chances are they’re lying.  Because food is always abundant during meal times.  A little bit of everything make up for a lot of something.

And the clock doesn’t stop ticking.

From countless monkeys, crocs and all the glorious beasts of nature to being immersed in the slow-paced lifestyle in a sleepy town, 6 days have come and gone.  It is a much needed getaway from the hustles and bustles of the daily grind.  I didn’t do much physically, but I’ve managed to gather my thoughts over the things that has happened and changed over the last 8 months.  Unknowingly, some lines have been drawn while one or two faded on their own.

I wish certain things would go back the way they were, but not everything is in my control.  Some changes do leave a void inside, but only to be filled by greater things ahead.  In God, I still trust.

I need to stop now.  It’s time to say goodbye.   And Thank Yous.  I’ve got another flight to catch.

It’s time to go home.  Again.

(End of Part 4)

Hold On To That Speed of Light – Part 3

“I’m gonna paint my wall blue.”

I figured if I was going to get used to home, I was going to make it as homey as I could.  I wanted my own personal space where I could come home and unwind from a hard day’s work.  Dim lights would do the trick too.

My dad was quite cooperative in this little mission of mine.  I think he wanted me to feel very much at home as well, so this time he grumbled less and took home some paint catalogues for me the next day.  Thanks to dad, the wall was as blue as I wanted it to be within a couple of days.

Flipped the IKEA catalogue for the hundredth time and decided to get myself a couple of shelves and a table to set up my little workstation.  My room isn’t very big, so I had to be careful that it doesn’t end up being cramped with huge furniture.  Found the perfect table and shelves, called my big brother who was coming home soon to get them for me on his way back.

Photographs.  I’ve always wanted my wall of photographs for the longest time.  I’m not a professional photographer, but certain stills that I’ve taken have their own little stories behind them – and so after a lot of DIY, my little gallery was set up on my newly-painted wall.  My brother’s gift from Mumbai – a clock that says “Wake up! You can sleep in class!” completed the picture.

Threw the beanbag at that corner, with my guitar.  Turned on that standing lamp with dim orange light.  Jazz music played in the background.  And there’s a TV in the living room.

And home-cooked meals almost everyday.

Welcome home, me.

~*~

Church.

The name of the church I go to is called Hope.  It’s an international movement with over 120 churches all around the world.  We’re everywhere.

Hope, is everywhere.

The first time I stepped into a Hope church in Ipoh, I was surprised to see a gathering of less than 10 people.
I wondered if I was at the wrong place.
No, turns out I had the wrong idea of what a church is.  It’s not a building.
It’s a group of people gathered together to worship God.
As the church grew, so did I.  I learned that the number of people is not a measure for their big hearts.
Each time we achieve something together, pray for one another, serve together – I am reminded by one simple fact over and over again.

God is good.

There’s Hope in Ipoh, there’s one too in Penang.

The first time I stepped into the Hope church in Penang, I was surprised to see a gathering that was five times the size of the one in Ipoh.
I felt lost.  And wondered if I was at the right place.
No, turns out that the people around me were no strangers at all.  The church, is still, not a building.
It’s just a bigger group of people gathered together to worship God.
As I learned their names and faces, they learned mine.  I also learned that the number of people is never too overwhelming in God’s house.
Each time I stay silent to hear the entire congregation sing in unison songs about our beautiful Saviour, I am reminded by one simple fact over and over again.

God is good.

~*~

The good employee.

I try to be one everyday.  Some days I find it difficult, especially when I’m tired and loaded with too much work.  Or when I come across difficult people. Until one day, one of my colleagues demonstrated a less-than-impressive attitude towards his job.  I didn’t get angry nor upset.  I just pat his shoulder and said,

“We’re working together.  We work here.  I want to do what’s best for my company because this is where I belong now.  It may be temporary, but I’m here, aren’t I?  And so are you.  Let’s make this count.  Life’s unpredictable.  This could be the last job you’ll ever have.”

As much as I stunned him, I surprised myself too.

I love my colleagues and supervisor.  We joke a lot, and we work a lot.

I have the best supervisor in the world.  Enough said.

In every story, there are supporting characters whom people hardly notice.

There’s this Vietnamese cleaning lady who goes up and down the elevator everyday.  She recognizes me because I open doors for her each time she pushes a trolley.  And I recognize her because she holds the door of the elevator for me as she keeps its shiny walls sparkly clean.  It’s a small elevator, and slow too – but everyone uses it.  We’ve never spoken a word to each other, but we replace the silence with lots of smiles.

And the receptionist.  She used to scare me.  She would forbid me from taking shoe covers from her desk as they are reserved for visitors.  Then she started taking down my number because I had no extension and there were always people looking for me.  Sometimes I feel bad for troubling her, even though it was her job.   I learned her name later, much later.

30 weeks later, approximately 150 working days, I made a call.

“Hi, can you help me dial this number to my university?  I need to speak to my lecturer.”

“Is this a personal call?  We charge for personal calls.”

“I’m not sure, but this has something to do with my internship.”

“Who is this?”

“Wei Vern.”

“Ooooh…. Wei Vern.  OK lah, anything for you.  Give me a moment.”

She’s not so scary after all.   =)

(End of Part 3)

The Finish Line

We are early.  A little too early that we are spoilt for choices when in choosing our seats.  As I look around I spot a couple of familiar faces – people whom I have specifically come tonight for.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“So you’re all pink tonight.  Pink is the new black, so I heard.”

“Yup, have to.” He shrugs, with a slight hint of nerves.  Who wouldn’t be anxious anyway?  It’s a big night.  It’s the big stage.  It’s the big show.  It’s the big finish line.

“I dislike pink, but I’ll be rooting for you guys.  All the best tonight.”

“Thanks.”

***

“So what kind of music do you listen to?”

“I like indie stuff, but I listen to some mainstream music too.  Currently I like a band called Switchfoot.”

“No way! You like Switchfoot too?”

That was the beginning of everything that was about to take place.  We soon found out we were also fans of John Mayer, played the guitar, played tennis, spoke English with a different twang, saw things in a similar, different point of view.

I learned a lot about my faith from him.  And guitar too.  And tennis.

He learned what fried ice-cream is from me.  

We were both small kids from big cities, stranded in a small town.  

We became friends.

***

Salmah and The Swingers, the all-star band takes the stage with confidence and style.  The moment they strut their stuff, I finally understand what people meant when they said they were in a league of their own.  They are the Adam Lambert-s and Crystal Bowersox-es of the night.  Their rendition of Hey Jude have completely changed my perspective towards my university’s standard of talent.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad…
Take a sad song, and make it better…

The following acts have become sleepy and boring to me, partly because The Swingers bunch have brought my expectations to a whole new level.  And mostly because I am only looking forward to one more band. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcoming on stage, Sour Stripes!”

The announcement by the emcees wakes me up, and I pay full attention to that pink-cladded team.  I think about the previous attempts that were made.  I think about the disappointment felt year after year.

***

“I need  a win, Vern.  I don’t know what else I want, but I just know I need a win.”

Those words were spoken from a broken person, one who has been trying so hard to make something worth his while.  Someone who was searching so hard for that one thing he could do and shine in.  Someone who needed to finish a race and come out victorious.

We had a lot of those talks.  Especially after a good (and bad) game of tennis.  We talk about things that mattered to us.  Our deepest fears, our greatest dreams, our desperate attempts to make life less scary.

I remember that day, when he lost.  Again.

“Can I have a hug?”

That was the most sincere, broken request I’ve ever heard.  I hugged him as if it would patch things up in an instant.  I knew it didn’t.  He still needed that win he was seeking since Day One.

***

They are the last act.  The crowd is tired. 

They’re playing an acoustic version of a Malay rock song.  Here’s the thing about him.  Doesn’t matter what song he’s playing, who he’s playing with or where he’s playing.  As long as the guitar is in his hands, you see it all over his face.

He’s having the time of his life.

‘God, can this be it?  Let this be it.’

There is something about this band.  They know they cannot top Salmah and The Swingers, but they didn’t give a damn anyway.  They are performing as if they were the only act in the whole show.  I see something special in that band.

I see humility.

They are playing with respect.  For the songs, for the crowd, for themselves.

He’s behind the drums now.  As they reach the peak of the song, he stands up to play, his spectacles flew but he doesn’t care.  He doesn’t need sight to play.  He has more than that.  They all have more than that. 

They have heart.

They sealed their performance with the kind of perfection only they will understand.  The tired crowd who seemed to be unable to lift their hands to clap earlier are now hyped up with all that they have just seen and heard.  I’m not surprised.  They deserve their moment.

He has finally crossed the finish line. With triumph.

‘Thank You, God.’

And then I stand up and cheer.

Back To Basics

Today’s a Friday, long lunch break.  That’s why I’m here typing.

It’s been almost a month that I’ve boycotted social networking apps, and redundant internet surfing.

You don’t know how hard that is.

Life without MSN, Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo!, Howstuffworkz, Ted.com, Youtube, and even blog-hopping… it’s like having a hundred itches on your body that you can’t reach.

It’s like curing an addiction.

I wouldn’t say I gave up internet completely, I still respond to certain emails regarding work – and like today, take a minute to jot a thing or two here.  And also to inform everybody else that I’m pretty much still alive.

I’m just in the midst of fasting & praying.

Fast…what?

It’s a spiritual thing, and I’m giving up certain things temporarily and focusing more on my faith.  Those who aren’t familiar with this concept may find it weird, or even stupid but I assure you… giving up poking, nudging, and tweeting is harder than it looks.

And that’s just one part of it.  I’ll leave the details out.

So what do I do?  I’m still pretty much on the computer, but merely for work purposes.  I put my entire focus into what I do, get them done quick and right, and then I turn the PC off.

What next?  At first, I really had a hard time figuring out what I should do.  Lately, I’ve been doing more reading, writing, and occasionally watch a bit more TV – which means spending time with my family outside of my room.  I think mom doesn’t think it’s often enough yet, but I’ve just been a bit more occupied reorganizing The Kooky Jar sites so sometimes I do get carried away and lose track of time.

I spend more time outdoors too, with basketball and running.  On Sunday evenings I play a good game of captain ball with my church mates.  And on random evenings, I hop downstairs to have chit chat and tea with my good neighbors and their cat.

And intern life has been quite tiring.  Nowadays, I find myself hitting the pillow just as it strikes 12.  Yeah, I’m 21 and I sleep early.  But I do ensure that every waking hour is spent efficiently.  It’s not the quantity, it’s about quality.

Before I go to bed, I spend a good solid time with God, or at least I try to.

And along the way, being the thinker that I am, I filter away the stuff that aren’t worth spending time thinking about.  There’s a fine fine line between being a good thinker, and someone who is just addicted to thoughts – good and bad.  I’m trying to be the first, because more often that not we’re usually the latter.

Just like how we troubleshoot problems in the factory, I’m learning to set certain things in my life back to default after a series of too much tweaking and experimenting.  And then slowly improvise from the basic settings once again.  We don’t have a Ctrl+Alt+Del thing that does the job in a few seconds.

It’s a longer process. Time-wise, sanity-wise.

Just like how a Friday lunch break feels really long when you’ve finished writing this long entry and the office is still pretty much empty.   =)

I should pop back some time in April.