Dear God,

Tomorrow’s my convocation, although you probably already know that. And you probably know all that I’m going to say in this entry as well, but I’ll write it down anyway because unlike you, I tend to forget. I haven’t been writing much lately either.

In the past 5 years and a half, I’ve asked for a lot of things, and you’ve given me almost everything I asked for and the only reason I didn’t get certain things was because you gave me better. This note does not sum up all my thank you’s (I think I’ve covered some of them along the years), but yeah, you get the idea.

Some tell me that this journey had been a breeze for me, while some would give me a pat on the back saying I’ve done well to finish it finally – but no one knows better than you, because only you knew the times I needed encouragement, strength, and support…and a patient ear to listen to all my nonsensical rants that nobody knew I was capable of churning.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and sometimes I wonder why you let me make them. I’ve been judged, and I wonder why you let others judge me, more often than not, wrongly. I’ve been forgotten, and sometimes I wonder why did you not make me significant enough for others to remember.

And then you uncover better things to answer my wonderments. Those who forgave me, those who made effort to see me beyond perception, and those who kept me in their thoughts more often than I have kept them in mine – you showed me grace through these people. Better yet, you showed me friends worthy to be kept for life. And best of all, you showed me unconditional love through my own family.

The end of this journey is just the beginning of adulthood, and I know you have much in store for me. If I said I’m not worried, I’d be lying. But I will claim your promises, just as each time you bring me that odd sense of comfort whenever I see a rainbow, an eagle, and even rain itself. I hope, when I get older, possibly more bitter and skeptical, I’ll still feel the same way each time I see those things.

Thank you, for giving me this scholarship five years and a half ago. No doubt I was pushed out of my comfort zone, and I had to suck it up – but if it wasn’t because of such growing pains then I won’t know what it’s like to stay true to myself and what it means to chase a dream. If I always had what I wanted then it wouldn’t be called “chasing” now, would it?

And thank you, for always sticking around when I needed, or didn’t need you. Like I said, I tend to forget. But it’s always amazing that no matter how far I’ve gone or how long we haven’t spoke, each time I gave you a call, you’ll pick up. Never an answering machine, or your personal assistant (if you have one). Heck, I don’t even need to hold and listen to that annoying hold tone that Maxis always has.

You’re awesome, you know that?

And, God?

You’re my best friend.

Love,
Vern.

 

 

Have you ever had that moment when you realize, “I’ve had enough. It’s time to make a change.” ?

Sometimes it’s so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity, whereby we blame others and everything else in the world for the things that didn’t go our way. Note that I used the phrase “didn’t go our way” instead of the usual “wrong” because what seems wrong to us, does not necessarily mean the same to others. Or maybe what we wanted was actually wrong, and the diversion rectified the mistakes we made. Makes sense?

For me, it took a broken hairband to remind me that it’s time to rise above and get my head into the game. For the past few weeks my hair has grown longer and somewhat unmanageable in this crazy hot-then-cold weather. Today, just like every other day I was struggling to keep my hair tidy, and for the past few days I had been contemplating whether to get a haircut. Yes, when half the world is still dealing with starvation and poverty, I deal with petty things like deciding on what to do with my hair. When my faithful hairband snapped into half I knew that the attempt to grow long hair isn’t for me, at least not this time.

This was more than a haircut, though. Almost half a year has gone by, and this is probably one of the years whereby I learned a lot about myself. Most of the time, I pay a lot of attention to the people around me, but this time around, it was more of a journey of self-discovery.

I made more decisions that I have ever made in the years before – some were spot-on, while others remind me that I still have a long way to go. It was so easy to give thanks when everything went well, and it was just as easy to be bitter and angry when they didn’t.

We don’t normally look up to Hollywood stars for advice on life, but there is one rule that I have been using ever since the first time I heard about it (which I don’t quite remember when). The “Jennifer Aniston Rule”.

We all know Jennifer Aniston. And we all know she used to date Brad Pitt. And then they broke up. It wasn’t easy to lose one of the sexiest man in Hollywood, but she wasn’t going to let the break up affect her too much.  So she made a rule for herself: she would allow herself to grief, wallow in all the self-pity she wants, only for a span of 24 hours.  And then life goes on.  That’s the rule.

I apply that rule for all the setbacks I encounter. Depending on its severity, sometimes 24 hours isn’t enough. But it’s a personal promise to get my butt from the ground, and back onto my own two feet. Recently I’ve had a few bad days, but when my hairband snapped, I knew I’ve had enough.

[pullquote-right]“When we believe that everything happens for a Reason, we have Hope.”[/pullquote-right]Today is the first day of my final semester of my final year. And it was time to shake certain things of and get back on track. No more worrying about things I cannot control, and continue to have faith that everything will fall into place eventually. It’s somehow easier for me because I choose to believe that God is in better control of things and because of that, I have Hope.

I found myself sketching last night as I spent a little quiet time with God.

When we believe that everything happens for a Reason, we have Hope.

Like my hairband.

It once served its purpose to keep my hair together.
And its demise reminded me what I needed to do to pull myself together.

With Hope, everything will be alright.