Catch and Release

Last night, I was putting aside the things I would like to bring to my new place. It’s not a very big pile – I’m learning to take the minimalist approach of what I really need. As I sat in my big, red swivel chair, I looked around my room and realized the next time I come home and sit here again, I might be a different person. Not character-wise, but I’ll be…grown up a little bit more.

2011 is probably the year that has stretched me the most. From being a Final Year student, to stepping up and rising to the occasion in the midst of conflicts, in relearning how to be a part of my Penang home again, discovering one of the most beautiful places in the world, rediscovering God, to receiving a job offer letter and preparing for relocation – when 2012 comes, which is tomorrow, I’ll be leaving again.

When I was still in school, leaving home was never a problem. Because I knew I’ll be back for semester breaks anyway. But now that I’ll be joining the workforce soon, suddenly, my folks look a tad older to me.

As much as I worry about them, I prefer to count my blessings. I found a nice place to stay, with a nice housemate, my parents may have their squabbles sometimes but they still have each other, I’m not too far from home, and I’ve secured a pretty decent job. As we were running errands yesterday, a thought popped into my head while looking at my folks, and as if writing a mental note to them, I heard myself thinking,

Mom, Dad,

It’s time you put your worries aside about your children (at least the part about being able to take care of ourselves), and start falling in love with each other all over again.  Dad, take mom out, go to the movies, have nice meals, do the things you and mom weren’t able to do when you were still busy worrying and taking care of us. And mom, the only thing you should worry about now onwards is what dress to wear for those dates. =) It’s time to rekindle the feelings you had on the day you decided that he/she was the person you wanted to marry and spend the rest of your lives with.

Maybe it’s a sign of growing old. I was at Krista’s last night for dinner and we discovered I’m developing some symptoms already. And speaking of which, I thank God as well for lasting friendships. I met Krista five and a half years ago when I had just finished high school and entering my foundation studies. Since then, she and her husband Nic became my friends, mentors, and neighbor. I’m entering a new chapter in my life, and they’re still here – sharing and giving me advise on things that are relevant as I progress.

I’m a little anxious, but very much looking forward to 2012. I still have some ideal goals to reach, and entering this new phase just lets me know that I’m one step closer. And maybe, one day, when I’ve achieved what I want, I’ll still be writing them all here.

Blessed New Year, everyone. Life starts when you say it does.

Aroha Nui, Aotearoa – Part 2

Good morning, sunshine.

I hope it wasn’t too cold for you last night. Get up, get up, and grab some delicious breakfast from the local deli. These are mornings you actually remember to thank the Creator for. Your mom got fascinated by the array of bread and pastries arranged in those glass cabinets. You must take a photo of these, she said, we would want to pick an idea or two out of the arrangements next time.

You noticed an Asian family seated next to your table, and their lingo seems familiar. Speaking in fluent Hokkien you wondered if they’re from your home country. As usual, mom greeted them first and both families got acquainted quickly. You didn’t say much, either it was still too early for you, or you were busy clicking away. You scanned the images in your camera just to realize that… the memory card got corrupted and the photos you captured this morning were gone. Luckily, you brought a spare and changed it pronto. You cursed silently under your breath about the lousy new memory card you have just bought for this trip.

But fate has its own ways of bringing people together – family, friends, lovers, unfortunate events can turn out to be pretty magical ones. Turns out that your second visit to the sites allowed your family to bump into the same ones at the deli. These time, they took time to get to know one another and found out that their son and his girlfriend were your seniors in university. Their older daughter is a private flight attendant and it didn’t take long for you young people to become friends.

Oh, and as all these took place, you were all at The Church of the Good Shepherd, overlooking the lake, which was the first church built at the Mackenzie Basin. It’s not a very big church, only the size of your living room perhaps, but there is a sense of serenity when you’re inside of it. It was as if you have found God. Why can’t all churches back home be like this, you wondered.

You and your new friends continued to awe at the beautiful lake, as I have promised you. Almost unbelievable, you had to touch the crystal clear waters to acknowledge my presence. How come you don’t have photos of yourself, your friend asked, making your wonder the same thing. She offered to take some photos of you and me, just so we can make others envious. Do you smell it? That’s the smell of freedom. Inhale. Remember.

The day was still early, and it was time to adjourn to our next destination: Mount Cook. The most enthusiastic person was your dad this time, naturally. Eager to meet his hero, Sir Edmund Hillary, one of the first people to reach the summit of Mount Everest, he drove the family to a familiar yet majestic sight: the snowcapped mountains you saw the day before in bird’s eye view. And now, you will see it life-sized, and it’s larger than life, literally.

No, we won’t be climbing Mt Cook. It’s a holiday, not a hiking expedition. You bump into your Malaysian friends again at the Alpine Centre! Apparently Mt Cook was not in their itinerary but your parents have somehow managed to convince them to make a trip here. You exchange hello’s again but it was time for you to leave before it gets dark. There is a salmon village somewhere near you, you heard, but it was nowhere in sight. Perhaps there will be some good salmon treats at Twizle when you’re on your way to Queenstown. You’re hungry already anyway. You leave Mt Cook behind, as you take the peaceful roads of Kiwiland again, occasionally accompanied by sheep and cows.

I’ll see you there, my love.

Aroha Nui,
Aotearoa.

Aroha Nui, Aotearoa – Part 1

I greet you with the most beautiful snow-capped mountains you have only seen on postcards. You must have been puzzled because you were told that spring has sprung and your suitcase was not ready for winter. But awhile ago the captain announced that you have crossed halfway between the equator and the south pole. Have you miscalculated, you wondered, perhaps it won’t be so cold down there, you silently hoped.

Touch down, and the cold air did not make you shiver, surprisingly, but instead greeted you with a warm familiarity you knew ten years ago. The strong wind sent an echo only you can hear, my familiar voice saying haere mai, which means welcome in Maori, if you still remember.

Familiar, yet foreign. You explored the modern North Island a decade ago, and this time, you are in the natural South. Before flying here you have read my promises of nature’s masterpieces bound to wow you, and now that you are here I only hope I won’t disappoint.

Shall we begin? Pop your suitcases into the car you rented even before you flew here, thanks to the wonders of technology. You decided to explore the earthquake-stricken Christchurch much later on, as you began your journey to one of my prized gems – Lake Tekapo.

Along the way, you made a stop in one of my many little towns, Geraldine. You were slightly disappointed that the shops are closed by the time you got there, yet you couldn’t help but be fascinated by the storybook-like shophouses that you can only find in, well, storybooks. A few photos here and there as you warm up that camera of yours. It’s an old camera, but it’s new in your hands. I see the smile on your face and was amused that even a quiet town with everything closed could interest you as much.

Your parents decided to carry on the journey to Lake Tekapo before the day gets darker, and you arrived just as the sun had set. You being you, even the dimmest scene catches your eye and you decided to capture a few more stills before you proceed to fill your hungry stomachs and call it a day. A cup of hot chocolate will do it nicely for you, as you and your camera batteries recharge to capture Lake Tekapo in the brightest of day tomorrow.

I will see you again when the sun rise, my dear.

Aroha Nui,
Aotearoa.

Dum Spiro, Scribo.

I’ve been taking a little break from blogging ever since my convocation was over, even though I still have some New Zealand stories to tell. Not because I’m lazy, but primarily because I’m at that transition phase most unemployed fresh graduates go through. And I’ve been trying hard not to be completely ‘unemployed’, so I’ve been keeping myself busy with small design jobs and favours, and doing things I haven’t had time to do before such as craft works.

However,  I have been faithfully reading the blogs I follow daily to see what’s up with my blogger friends. This evening while I was doing a little brainstorming on my own with a nice cup of latte outside, I came across my dear blogger friend cum neighbor (that’s another story) Krista’s entry that made me go “AHA!” because it was the very same thing that was playing in my mind for the past few days.

She spoke about people abandoning their blogs simply because they had no readers, and made a stand that she wouldn’t stop writing even if no one read her blog (which is impossible because she’s such a terrific writer, but yeah she made her point).

As I write this (and every other posts) I’m not too sure about my readership either, and perhaps I’m writing this to reassure myself as well – nevertheless, after more than half a decade of blogging (I’ve had blogs on Friendster, Blogger before), I can strongly say that I won’t give up writing for the lack of readership either.

‘Dum Spiro, Scribo’ in Latin means ‘While I Live, I Write”, which was derived from the famous phrase ‘Dum Spiro, Spero’ which means ‘While I Live, I Hope.’ It’s not easy to maintain readership, I can assure you. Inconsistent posts, unfamiliar topics, and even shifting of blogs can cause readers to lose interest, I know because I’ve been guilty of all three.

I admit, there were times when I did think of giving up blogging, because at one point I felt like I was disappointing my readers (back then I had quite a following) with my inconsistency. When I looked back to the day I started a blog, my main purpose was to write – because that’s how I express myself best. To have readers is a sweet bonus, but the bottomline is, I just wanted to write.

And just like Krista mentioned, a blog is a space that’s meant for its writer and its writer alone. This is a place I rant, pour out random thoughts, and it never goes away even on days when I am lost for words. It’s like a faithful friend who’s always there when I need someone to hear me out.

Okay, I’m on the verge of kissing my laptop screen already.

I love blogging, and that’s that.

 

Graduation, Give Thanks, God.

Dear God,

Tomorrow’s my convocation, although you probably already know that. And you probably know all that I’m going to say in this entry as well, but I’ll write it down anyway because unlike you, I tend to forget. I haven’t been writing much lately either.

In the past 5 years and a half, I’ve asked for a lot of things, and you’ve given me almost everything I asked for and the only reason I didn’t get certain things was because you gave me better. This note does not sum up all my thank you’s (I think I’ve covered some of them along the years), but yeah, you get the idea.

Some tell me that this journey had been a breeze for me, while some would give me a pat on the back saying I’ve done well to finish it finally – but no one knows better than you, because only you knew the times I needed encouragement, strength, and support…and a patient ear to listen to all my nonsensical rants that nobody knew I was capable of churning.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and sometimes I wonder why you let me make them. I’ve been judged, and I wonder why you let others judge me, more often than not, wrongly. I’ve been forgotten, and sometimes I wonder why did you not make me significant enough for others to remember.

And then you uncover better things to answer my wonderments. Those who forgave me, those who made effort to see me beyond perception, and those who kept me in their thoughts more often than I have kept them in mine – you showed me grace through these people. Better yet, you showed me friends worthy to be kept for life. And best of all, you showed me unconditional love through my own family.

The end of this journey is just the beginning of adulthood, and I know you have much in store for me. If I said I’m not worried, I’d be lying. But I will claim your promises, just as each time you bring me that odd sense of comfort whenever I see a rainbow, an eagle, and even rain itself. I hope, when I get older, possibly more bitter and skeptical, I’ll still feel the same way each time I see those things.

Thank you, for giving me this scholarship five years and a half ago. No doubt I was pushed out of my comfort zone, and I had to suck it up – but if it wasn’t because of such growing pains then I won’t know what it’s like to stay true to myself and what it means to chase a dream. If I always had what I wanted then it wouldn’t be called “chasing” now, would it?

And thank you, for always sticking around when I needed, or didn’t need you. Like I said, I tend to forget. But it’s always amazing that no matter how far I’ve gone or how long we haven’t spoke, each time I gave you a call, you’ll pick up. Never an answering machine, or your personal assistant (if you have one). Heck, I don’t even need to hold and listen to that annoying hold tone that Maxis always has.

You’re awesome, you know that?

And, God?

You’re my best friend.

Love,
Vern.