Author Archives: Vern

And Then She Drew The Clouds.

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“I can’t do water. It looks so stagnant, there’s no life to it,” she sighed while staring at her masterpiece. I looked at the same canvas, only with a different opinion. To her consolation, I sighed too. In awe.

Why haven’t I noticed that piece before? Oh yes, that’s because I’m always sitting with my back facing the painting. I think I’m going to sit at the opposite direction next time. I like what I’ve just discovered.

“I’m going to focus on clouds next time. I think I’m better with skies,” she continued. “I have another blank canvas sitting around, I just haven’t had the time to paint.”

Have you ever looked at a painting and told yourself, hey I can do that too, only to find out it’s not as easy as it looks? And then someone comes along and picks up a pen or a brush and tricks you all over again that it is easy.

There’s talent to replicate. And then there’s talent to create. No need to say which one is more mind-blowing. I think that’s why I believe in God in the first place. I’ve been surrounded with a lot of creative people all my life, making me wish I’m more like them sometimes. I knew she’s always had a creative bone, a funny passion for frogs – but somewhere along the way, I guess I forgot.

Just a day after our conversation and a rekindled admiration, a new painting hung at the exact spot I was staring at the night before. She was right, she is better with skies. If you stared at the painting longer it would look as if the image is floating right in front of you. Another thing caught my eye, and I left her a message, wondering what that flower meant, unsure if I’ll ever find out.

This morning was gloomy, and I was battling the foggy windscreen again. Traffic was a little slower than usual, but somehow, I was in no hurry. There was an odd calming feeling surrounding me, and as I reached my office and made my way to the entrance, the peeking orange sunrise caught my eye. I couldn’t see the sun, but it definitely gave the clouds a golden glow. It looked like Someone else was doing a little painting this morning.

Just as I turned on my workstation, I received a surprising reply.

‘The flower represents all the blessings in my life!’ she wrote.

It would’ve been a lonely flower amidst the light blue background if it didn’t have the fluffy white patch behind her to share it with. It would still be a pretty flower, and we’d all still be in awe of its beauty, but it’d remain lonely.

And then she drew the clouds.

Forgiving Monday

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Somehow, the thought of forgiveness struck me today. Coming from a multi-racial country, it’s a favourite theme for Christmas, Chinese New Year as well as Hari Raya, but it ought to be something more than just a seasonal gimmick to watch tear-jerking movies and commercials.

Forgiveness is part of putting judgment aside. When you can look at people beyond their past, you think about second chances. Perhaps it’s in our nature to be cautious, especially when someone doesn’t have a relatively good track record, but I guess if we don’t give them a chance once in awhile, we’ll never really know who they have become.

Sometimes it’s easier to say you’re sorry, than to say “It’s alright” to someone who has apologized to you. Oddly, it’s harder when that person is closer to you. I used to think that it’s more comforting to let someone know that there’s nothing to be sorry about and put the past behind. It was a little later on in life that I learned that it isn’t. When someone apologizes, he or she needs a form of affirmation that things will be okay – forgiveness is the key, and it’s cruel to deny one of it.

Couple days ago, a boyfriend of an ex-classmate of mine was murdered in a fight, and just an hour ago a friend shared with me that her close friend has passed away in an accident, leaving behind her husband and daughter. I know them, and they’re an adorable family. That’s why forgiveness shouldn’t be just a seasonal thing. We can’t be sure that we’ll make it to the next festive season so that our souls (or someone else’s) may rest in peace. Forgiveness doesn’t just come in greeting cards. It comes in that reassuring smile that everything is, and will be okay, or that hug that says you no longer mind being in the same room as him/her.

And it comes whenever possible.

A mentor once told me, unforgiveness is a form of arrogance. In my belief, the Maker has forgiven us all through something called grace. And not forgiving someone, or even ourselves is sort of saying that we’re above the Maker and we get to call the shots in forgiveness. Atheists will laugh at this statement, but you don’t have to be religious to agree that forgiveness is one of the things that help you sleep at night. Be it you who’s forgiving, or him/her who’s forgiven. And vice versa.

I hope you’ll get better sleep one of these nights. And the nights after.

 

Friday Too Soon

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It’s 7.15 in the morning and I’m peeved with the foggy windshield I start my journey with every single morning. Wipe once, the fog comes back. Another time, same thing. It takes several rounds of wiping before it completely goes away, no thanks to the cool morning that also makes it difficult for me to get out of bed. This morning, the foggy windshield irks me more than usual. I can’t stop thinking about it even as I enter the office and the first thing I type into Google is “how to prevent windshields from fogging up”. Wind down the windows, stupid, Google yelled at me in mockery – well, at least it will irk me no more.

8.15am and I spilled half of my bottle of water onto the desk, I can only thank God it isn’t the coffee I haven’t made yet. Some papers got wet, and I run to the washroom to grab enough paper towels in time to stop the water from flowing to other places. I think about my friends who went for our usual Chinese New Year gathering back in Penang last night, I miss them. And in this new, mundane working life, I miss them even more.

“yo morning” goes my instant messenger. My brother wants to know what time I get off work, and tells me he’ll wait for me to go over to his place so we can complete our rounds of visiting our uncle and aunt in this festive season.  Hitting the city during the weekends seem like a waste of time without a proper agenda. What should I do after I’ve dropped my brother off to catch his flight on Saturday morning? Maybe I could start my day with a quiet breakfast, do a bit of reading, and a little bit of shopping while waiting to meet a friend for lunch. Yeah, I could do that. Then grab the things I need and head back home. Sunday can remain spontaneous.

It’s 9.00am, and I think more people are getting into the office. I never know because I’m cooped in my own office with another colleague who always gets in earlier than me. We’re the only two people in this spacious room, with two more cubicles remaining to be filled. My papers should be dry now, I need to study them thoroughly. Yeah, I can start now, they’re dry enough. I can start now.

 

Daily, Possibly.

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I’ve added a new category. It seems like I’ve not written enough, or as much as I would like to. They say the secret to mastering the art of writing, is to keep writing, even when it hard or when inspiration is as dry as your morning cereal out of the box. Write until there’s no reason not to. Be it 10 words a day, to a full-length decent essay – churn some thoughts into words and publish away. Because next thing you know, you might be rhyming.

I’ve officially brought my stash of coffee into the office. It’s amazing what caffeine does to your brain. It’s probably how my car feels each time I give him a refuel.

119 words. Not bad for a start.  Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

Two-Oh-One-Two

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2012 marks a new year, and a new life for me. On New Year’s itself, I was already on my way to a new place to start my new job. For those who don’t know where I’ve been hiding lately, I’ve been posted to Bangi by my sponsors – a little Malay town about 45 minutes from Big City KL. Being here for two weeks now, I still find myself adjusting to the different culture here.

Bangi is a bit of a culture shock to me, because life here is catered to the Malay majority. Now I’m not being racist, but put someone from Bangi in Penang and you’ll get the same kind of opinion – it’s just different. Life in Bangi is more laid back, and even the nearest mall Alamanda in Putrajaya isn’t very crowded on weekends. While they do have premium retails stores like Guess, Ms Read, Esprit, (actually most of their stores are on the high-end side), there’s not much choice compared to larger malls in KL. Which is fine, by the way, for non-shopaholics like me. There’s a decent cinema, hypermarkets like Carrefour and Cold Storage and a bookstore like MPH.

If you’re into details, you’ll notice that even the clothes and books selections are very much tuned to the Malay customers. This is probably the first MPH I’ve seen that exhibits ALL of their Malay novels in front, and a very small unimpressive fiction corner near the magazines. Clothes sold in Parkson (and the other retail stores) are more of a conservative selection and so far the only store I noticed that has Chinese salespeople is Padini. Oh and a barrista in Starbucks. I’m not being selective, I just notice. But I like the fact that it’s not overly crowded here and you get to spend a peaceful coffee time without too much background noise – which is a rarity in KL.

Back in the little town where I’m currently staying, there’s probably only one non-halal Chinese restaurant I’ve noticed so far. They have Chinese food here, but it’s a halal affair mostly. They’re not bad though – and reasonably priced. Lucky for me, I’m not one who is too picky about food (albeit reigning from Penang), and neither do I get pork cravings, although I do get cranky if I don’t get good coffee.

Where I stay, there’s almost everything I need and more – mini marts, furniture shops, laundry, car workshops, petrol stations, banks, clinics, pharmacies, optometrists, and an array of other shops I have yet to explore because there’s just too many. And speaking of optometrists, I randomly entered one the other day to get my specs done (broke my old one), and the owners of the shop looked at me in surprise, because they didn’t think they’d see another Chinese in town apart from themselves. That was probably the first time I’ve spoken Chinese in this town since I got here. I’m also still getting used to the strange looks the locals give me whenever I enter their shops/restaurants. In this community, I do stand out.

If I ever want to blend in, I can opt to just hop over to the town nearby, Kajang. It’s a whole new ball game over there. It’s like Chinatown if compared to Bangi. I would drive there whenever I want to drop by the Giant hypermarket (not because of the community, but the Giant in Bangi needs major space improvements), but apart from the famous satay, I have yet to give its other culinary choices a taste. After all, exploring new food places on your own does cut half the fun cos you’d have no one to disagree with.

And as we go into food, I’ve been giving cooking a try. The kitchen in my house is rather complete, though lack of space, and I’m still experimenting different techniques of cooking as well as balancing the cost of cooking for one. One of my colleagues told me that cooking for one person is a waste of time and money, but I think it all boils down to smart rationing. I actually find it cheaper when you get creative with your dishes. One basic ingredient can transformed into different kinds of dishes. I need to remind myself to get a small oven and slow cooker for heating up food and boiling soup.

I have a nice housemate, and a fairly nice place to stay. Because she’s working shifts and disappears to KL every weekend, we don’t get to see each other a lot. But she’s easy to talk to, and I could discuss almost anything with her (such as adding two packages to our Astro subscription, heh). She works in a rival O&G company, and it’s a mutual understanding that we don’t talk about work at home. I think she’s a health nut, based on the things she eats – I could learn a thing or two from her.

As for work, again, I’m the only Chinese in my department. But my superiors seem like nice people, having already approved my CNY leave. I have a fairly large workstation, and very nice colleagues. There’s nothing much to comment about work just yet – actually it’s best to keep comments about work to a minimum, dear fellow bloggers. Right, moving on.

Actually, I’m almost done. Apart from waking up 6.30am every morning to a cold shower, make my own breakfast and going through the slow crawl (thank God I don’t suffer from bumper-to-bumper jams to and from work), doing what I need to at work, decide what to have for dinner (eat out or cook), another cold shower, catch up on TV and some reading before turning in every weekday, sleep a little more on weekends, and going to church and picking up my laundry on Sundays – I’m showing healthy vitals for a new, young working adult. When my finances are stable, I’ll prolly sign up for gym.

I wish I had pictures to illustrate my experience here, but I don’t have a decent camera with me at the moment. Hopefully my next post about life here will get its appropriate photos. This is mainly a chunk of text to prove that I am well and very much alive.

Oh right, I know it’s a bit late but, Happy New (Dragon) Year! =)